View Full Version : My GUA 2008 review - the campaign trail

04-28-2008, 07:03 PM
I'm shocked, shocked to find that gambling is going on in here!
[Captain Renault in Casablanca]

I'm basing my candidacy for the GUA Board of Directors on change, hope and miniaturized condiments at breakfast. I feel strongly that we should stay the course of single servings of ketchup and Tabasco as well as half sized soft drinks at break time. This more than doubles the amount of potential recycling we can be doing, by packaging by the spoon full, not to mention the show of support of the package labeling community. Then we could schedule a GUA 2009 packaging session at the same time that we have a sustainability session, and see who gets the most audience. The winner goes on to compete for planet earth, against the immigrant laborers that hand out the printed pamphlets on the strip. Champions are awarded the GUA Cup, the soon to be prized trophy of ink on paper manufacturing. That's my vision of the future. Join me.

By the way, good call on the full sized servings of Red Bull in the morning breaks. But I'd like to see frozen Margaritas at the afternoon breaks to help preempt the stimulants early enough so we can concentrate on drinking alcohol strictly for pleasure at night.

Another important thing about the breakfasts was the introduction of bacon tongs this year. These handy devices do a great job pinching a pile of bacon. GUA personalized tongs for next year is all the buzz right now, so keep your fingers crossed. Individualized tongs can't be far behind individualized ketchup bottles, so if we all pull together, I think Kodak might spring for the swag from all the money they have made investing in their Lotus Notes enterprise. We should send them an email now, so they receive it by next year.

In regards to lunch, I miss the table themes. Although I'd like to see less Kodak product related tables reserved and more real topics of conversation. Like "badmouthing creatives" or "reminiscing tray development of film" for example. Make it fun.

Badge pins should read "ex-Brisque" or "ex-Delta" or "ex-Rampage" and the like. Prinergy is a moot point, so why not plainly state from where you came from in workflow? Also, lets encourage people to make up their own business titles. We are all in the business of "Kodak repair" at work, so why not be whomever we want to be at the GUA? Lets have GUA business cards! I know the idea of exchanging printed matter is a radical one, but lets have an "industry card" in addition to our usual business cards, which only represents who our bosses thinks we are.

No list of attendees? I can understand not having square dancing, as we did not do that before, but we had a list of attendees before and now no attendee list???

"Wear your old Creo t-shirt" day at the conference needs no explanation, except to say you should wear slacks with it. Keep it club attire and you are ready for any occasion.

Why is Apple always there? People on Macs already think they know how to do everything. All of the Kodak servers are on Windows platforms. We could use a Windows admin session - that would be way more helpful than a session on an OS that doesn't work with anything yet. If you invite people from Apple, have them explain the spinning pinwheel of death. I think it is a lovely cursor animation, and I realize it is vastly superior to Windows cursors, but I don't need to look at it spin all day long. Although, to be fair, it is a very user friendly crash.

I like the YouTube video of the disgruntled printer. But how many people gave any thought to the fact that it was a video, not a printed piece? It was distributed on the internet, not the newstand? We received the message of the medium on the multimedia system of the hotel. Would it have had the same impact as a folded 4 color brochure off the NextPress that was sitting right there on the floor in the back of the room? Personalized and mailed? When was the last time you saw a printed piece get applause - by a room full of printers and the employees of a major printing vendor? If we like this kind of thing, why don't we actively pursue the graphic users of this technology and media as future members?

Web 2.0? I like the whole print production community idea, but what about Print 2.0? Print has been evolving since Gutenberg, I think it is time for 2.0. I have a bottle of opaque that's older than the web. Works great on chicken pox, but that's another discussion thread.

I am making a campaign promise that is not conditional on getting elected. I am willing to keep this promise, whether I am elected or not. If anyone would like to see a session on InSite Info Sheet editing and RBA for InSite Info Sheets, I am willing to help create one for next year. That would give you all another entire year to avoid using InSite Info Sheets. Don't thank me. I am just happy to help procrastination in any way that I can. I'd like to call it "Kodak Info Sheet Repair." I could demo my "Simulate Kodak MIS" - info sheet selection triggers a delayed RBA rule that sends an email right to the trash 12 hours later and then bills you for it the next day. I challenge any one else to offer up a session that they will help create, pending the necessary approval, of course. Lets have a whole track of Users helping Users - The Kodak Repair track.

How about a GUA band? Out of all of us, I'm sure there has got to be a bass player, guitarist that can do scissor kicks, somebody with a drum kit and a lead vocalist. We could play Paul Simon's Kodachrome.

Less "Kodak helping us to build our business" and more "Graphic Users helping Graphic Users build their business." If we needed to know how to take over another company and re-brand their inventions as our own, then maybe I could see the dynamic of everything centering around Kodak. But I think everything should be centered around Graphics Users, if we are in the business of using graphics.

Those of you who did not attend the conference this year, missed the debauchery. This year made all the previous GUAs look like printer conventions. Trust me on that, said the man in the blonde wig.

Well, I gotta go. Lots of files to prep for the Web. If Kodak buys the internet, I am so on that beta list for Web 3.0.

Andy Warhol (CGUO)

Chief Graphic Use Officer

The Factory


04-28-2008, 07:34 PM
You just earned my vote again! Put this man to work! I just wish I had half as much time to be creative as you do, (Andy).

04-28-2008, 07:59 PM
GUA Band, XML Info Sheets..Oh man. This is going to be interesting!

You rock Rick! - tc

04-29-2008, 12:04 AM
Quite possibly the funniest thing I have read in some time...

Does a 4 inch vertical sound high enough for a scissor kick?



04-29-2008, 11:33 PM
Does that mean you can play axe? I was thinking about calling the band "Twist and Burn". But "Work and Tumble" is catchy too.

Quite possibly the funniest thing I have read in some time...

Does a 4 inch vertical sound high enough for a scissor kick?



04-30-2008, 12:49 AM
Who wears the chaps?

04-30-2008, 01:21 AM
Who wears the chaps?

eek! Who told you about the chaps?

04-30-2008, 11:02 AM
Can I play Flugelhorn. I do a mean Chuck Mangione imitation, but only if I can wear 6" platform shoes and leather.

I vote the ex-brisque pins!

I also think we need a dunk tank for the bullpen. If they don't give a good answer, dunk.

On a serious note, XML info sheets for Insite, yes. How about a class on using Gracol with prinergy. Gracol is all the rage.

04-30-2008, 02:38 PM
On a serious note, XML info sheets for Insite, yes. How about a class on using Gracol with prinergy. Gracol is all the rage.

A session on using Prinergy as a color server would be good. Making process plans - refine, proof - for a variety of industry standards and devices. Handouts could be printed screen grabs showing the settings in color convert for each process with Kodak provided profiles or other easily available canned profiles, as I don't think you can save out the process plans and trade them like RBA rules or info sheet templates. Extrapulating this into custom ICC would be easy.

The great thing about "standards" is there are so many to choose from. Throw a rock and you'll hit one. Come to think of it, I think a class on how to make your own standards would be great. We can all be one-person committees!

04-30-2008, 05:47 PM
The dunk tank sounds great! I am sure that you would have lots of folks willing to line up for that one.

04-30-2008, 05:49 PM
Tom ,

Are you going to wear the chaps with the tube top?

04-30-2008, 08:29 PM
Does that mean you can play axe? I was thinking about calling the band "Twist and Burn". But "Work and Tumble" is catchy too.
I like the latter, but "Sheetwise" might fly. Or "GUArage Band." "Canned Spoonful?" "The Sporks?" Anyway, whatever you call it, the lead vocalist has to be good. "The GUAmones?" . . . Sorry, Andy.

05-01-2008, 03:14 PM
We have compiled all the information from the 9 candidates running for the GUA Board and we are asking that you review their bios and info and vote for 2 of them at the following link: http://new.qualtrics.com/SE?SID=SV_8of77ptuYgSdkSE&SVID=Prod. You will only be allowed to vote once and will have to vote for 2 candidates. Forms with more or less than 2 candidates checked will not be validated or submitted.

05-09-2008, 12:25 AM
My fellow GUAians:

It has been brought to my attention, that some of you may have been misled by my statement at the start of this thread about bacon tongs at the recent GUA, and thought that I wrote bacon "thongs" instead. I just want to say for the record that I have not, nor have I ever, advocated the use of pork products as undergarments, whether fried or in another delicious cooked state of physical being.

Furthermore, as a conscientious consumer of meat products and a friend to the ranchers and butcherers of all animals, I want to say that I also appreciate a nice vegetable for breakfast every once in a while too. Served via a variety of possible utensil implementations, of which I have no preconceived bias whatsoever, but hopefully plucked from a pool of butter or cheese.

Having said that, a tasteful bacon thong under slacks, could consititute club attire at Studio 54 and I am on the record for being pro Las Vegas simulations of NYC clubs that have long closed down due to various federal law violations, that are not of my making in any way, either directly or inferred. An asparagus stalk for example, in this instance, simply would not suffice, nor would I expect the wearing of vegetables to result in the demise of any disco dance club. At least not in the way that long thin strips of sizzling meat could be knitted together, and sashayed across the dance floor under a glittering globe of mirrors.

Its just that simple.

I'm Rick Darnell and I approved this message.